I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
