I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
