Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Im part way to drunk.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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