Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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