he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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