i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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