oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
