My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
