Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
