Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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