We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
