he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
