everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
