I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I have aggressive nipples.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
