her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
