smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
