I'm so fucking centered right now
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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