he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
