i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
