gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
