Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So here I am, sexting at work.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
