And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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