Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
