is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He had one of those small greek statue penises
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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