he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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