Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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