i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Sorry about my life...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
