im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You smell like a Billy Joel song
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
