4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Floor bacon is actually really good
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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