yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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