OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
