the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
