Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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