I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize