Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
