i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize