Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
