Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
