i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
