Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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