When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
