During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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