If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
