so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Acid is not a monday night drug
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
