If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i believe in u and ur pee
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
