Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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