She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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