I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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