i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
