he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
