im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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