If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
