Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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