We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We have started to decorate penises.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
