Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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