I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
