My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
