today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
