so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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