S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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