overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
