i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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