You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
