shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
