i need an iv and a liver transplant
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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