im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
