Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize