I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Are we still banned from the library?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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