The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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