Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
