He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i barfeds in our rink
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
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