Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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