Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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