Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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