I'm drive I can fine osifer
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
