we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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