I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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