In America we eat man semen.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You dont lie about slip and slides
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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