i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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