Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i love accidental penises.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
