Ketchup is God's man juice
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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