Where did you get a picture of my penis
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
