Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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