Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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