Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just pynch a tree in the face
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
