i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
