Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
