ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
