he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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