There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
