i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
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