I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
