Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize