All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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